Ahhhhhh Family!

So for those of you that know my mother, this won't be quite as shocking.  For those of you who don't know my mom, I apologize for what you are about to read. LOL!

So I had just caught Shelly(ex from way long ago) having an affair with some chick in our house.  I left her with the house because she was keeping the animals.  I wrote her a cheque for her up coming foot surgery, packed my car and left.  Being that I just made sure rent was paid and her foot surgery was paid, I was busted.

The phone is ringing. " Mom, I need to come home for a bit".  Mom was fine with it, especially because it meant Shelly and I were over.  Mom wasn't much of a fan after year one.  You also need to know that a family friend, Dyllon was staying at the house.  Take the gayest person you know and double it, that was Dyllon.

It took me about a week to settle in and find my own space in moms place.  I started figuring out what I needed to get back on my feet, mentally and financially.  One of the first things I wanted to do was to go get a new dick.  In no way did I want to put the old one in any one else, you couldn't boil it long enough.  Sorry to all you bio guys that are stuck with dirty ex yuck on your dick, lol.  So I went downtown and did some shopping.  I purchased a whole new get up, harness and dildo.  It was also the first time I went and bought one all by myself, lovers had always had input.

I got home and took my little black bag upstairs to my room and tucked it away.  I came back downstairs walked past my mom, who was in the livingroom on the computer.

Mom: Where were you?
Tye:  Shopping downtown
M:  what did get?
T: Just some personal things
M:  I want to see
T:  Mom, I went to the sex store!  Leave it alone.
M:  What did you get?
T:  Mom, come on, never mind
M:  Go get it, I want to see!
T:  You have to be shitting me, I am not showing you.  I went and got a cock!  I AM NOT SHOWING YOU!
M:  Go get it or I will go up there and get it myself.
T:  You won't!?!?!
M: I will go up there and get it AND find whatever else you have at the same time.

So as you can imagine, I could die!  If you know my mom you know this is true, she will do it.  There are no idle threats from her.  So I went upstairs and got my black bag, brought it downstairs and dropped it in her lap.  Now during all this, Dyllon was in the KItchen and yelling for my mom to just leave it alone.

After i dropped it in her lap I sat there on the couch and waited for the hell that was my life to unfold in front of me.  Mom opened the bag and pulled out my new cock!  She inspected it, waved it and approved it.  Then.......

She put it head first down her pants and out the zipper.  Leaving the base in her pants, essentially using her jeans as a harness.  There was my new dick being worn by my mother.  I'm going to die.

Dyllon at this time is head first in the fridge getting stuff out for lunch.  Mom gets up and walks up to the fridge door, which is open and between Dyllon and her.  He has no idea that she is wearing my dick.  As he shuts the fridge door my mother lunges at him.  He screams like a child, shrill and loud.  Then the chase takes place.  He is running through the house screaming with her running right behind laughing.  I am standing back in awe.  He makes a turn and heads for the door, outside and down the drive way he goes.  You can see the sense of relief on his face as he slows down and is laughing.  He is outside and safe, surrounded by neighbours that could be outside or outside at any second.  Then the terror on his face as mom runs outside and grabs him and gave him a couple quick pokes.  They both broke out into laughter as the situation ended.  Thankfully there was no one outside at that time.

That dildo sat in a drawer for a very long time.  I couldn't imagine using it and not thinking of this situation, I went a bought a new one instead.

Looking back, this has to be one of the funniest movies that plays in my head.  My relationship with my mom opened up so much after that.  I mean really, more of a friend thing then a mom/child thing.

I love you mom and I love that we are the friends that we are.  So many great times to come :)

Assumptions

I named my Blog "Life with a Silicone Dick" because of some of the amazing situations that come out of having one.  

This is going back a few years ago.  

I was out having drinks with my buddy Bryan at a mens Bear/Leather Pub.  So as you can imagine the majority of the cliental are men.  There are always a few women in the pub, regulars that blend in with the rest of the guys.  Anyways, so we are having a few beers and at the time I was still smoking.  So we finished the beer we were on and went for another smoke.  We were standing outside discussing who's inside and any prospects.  This women comes out of the pub, definitely drunk but not messy.  She looks at the two of us and comes right up to us.  I'm thinking she's going to ask for a smoke when all of a sudden she leans towards us.  She had one hand on her hip and her other one was pointing at us with her palm up.  Now please pay attention to the palm up pointing, who does that anyways. 

So Bryan and I are standing looking at each other and the back at her like WTF.  She breaks out into this IN YOUR FACE speech.  As she continuously points at us(palm up) she starts telling us how we don't understand what it's like to be a woman.  We don't know what she goes through in life.  During this Bryan is continually looking at me.  She keeps pointing and giving us shit.  All of a sudden she looks at her hand and she sees a dick, ok my soft pack.  While she was ranting and not letting us get a word in edge wise, I reached down my pants and plopped my soft pack in her hand.  As I saw the shock in her eyes I reached up and grabbed my dick out of her hand, gently putting it back in my pants.  Since it seemed to stun her I was able to say " I think I understand".  I looked over at Bryan and I thought he was going to wet his pants from laughing so hard.  We went back into the pub and drank more beer.

Still when we are out, Bryan will tell this story if the opportunity arises.