Abandoned!

So I have been away from this blog for way too long.  I really want to make this work.  I want to share the good, bad and ugly.  Be able to get you to laugh out loud at some of the trials and tribulations but also get lost in a sad tale and make you rethink, challenge life.

I am sorry for the delay but tonight we jump back in with both feet.

Check back very shortly!

Ah Foam!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I spend pretty much every weekend at a GLBTQ camp ground from late April until mid Oct.  It is in the Cascades in Washington State.  No phones, No internet and 80 acre's of amazing camping.  A couple great friends and my partner have a semi-permanent site there.  Now leave it to the Queers to amp everything up.  So we have solar panels and battery banks, generators, disco balls, lights, music and one hell of a group of Camp friends.   


We do also have our quite times in the woods, we also have five parties a year.  Now my favorites, are the Black Forest(Leather) Party which combines Canada Day and Independence Day for one amazing party weekend, the other favorite is the Foam Party in August.  The Foam Party is exactly that "Foam".  We have a Party area set up with a Dj, bar and dance floor.  They put walls and rails on the dance floor, up to a low chest level.  The foam machine is installed at the peak of the ceiling and faces downward, onto the center of the dance floor.  The center can pile as high as the ceiling, 20' ish, and dwindles down to a few feet at the edge.  


So the first foam party I went to I was in no way going to get in that foam!  First my chest had only had the first surgery, which the guy butchered me.  Second, is it sanitary?!?!?!?  I mean really.  I would never take my top off in public, no hair on my chest to hide the shape and scars.  I  stood out in the common area and drank, talked, flirted and drank a bit more.  Meanwhile, friends have all been in and have raved about it and are thinking about another trip in.  I got another cocktail!


Bryan(friend/Camp mate)  was doing his best all night to convince me to get in.  He had worked all sorts of angles through the night.  I am not exactly sure what ended up working, I do know the  booze helped though.  So I geared down to just underpants.  Thankfully it was night and even with bar type lighting I felt safer then normal.  I also was pretty close to the dance floor, trying not to have to walk through everyone.


So we danced and danced, it was so fun.  I would burrow though the foam and find people to dance with, sometimes get a squeeze or give one and the occasional kiss along the way.  After being in there for a long time, I needed a cocktail.  Bryan and I went and got drinks had a couple smokes.  He was chatting with this guy as I came back from some where.  I asked if he had been in the foam yet, he had not but was interested and not at the same time.  


This translated, means please pick me up from behind, carry me to the dance floor and push me in the foam, So I DID.  As we got to the dance floor this guy reached around and grabbed my dick, well what he thought was my dick.  he gave it a little rub and tug, I guess thinking he might as well get a feel before hitting the foam...  Well did I mention I have a silicone dick?!?!?!?!?  


Awkward!  


So as he was tugging I pushed him into the foam.  Come on think about it....  Like a rubber band, my underpants stretched out for what seemed like feet.  He had my dick in his hand in my underwear but I was not attached to me.  SNAP!  My dick came slapping home as he went flying into the foam, in the center where he would be lost while I gain my composure.  


I ran back laughing so hard from the look on his face as he realized things were not right.  I hid behind Bryan for a minute while I told him what had happened.  I really didn't want the guy to come out looking for me, even if it would be just for questions.   


The snapping noise and the slap of my dick returning to its home, will never be forgotten.  We still tell this story at camp and when out with new people and act out the tossing into the foam scene with noises and faces to suit.  We laugh every time.


Ah yes, My Life with a Silicone Dick!!!!!!

So many signs!

When I look back in my life I can see so many things that led me down this path.  What I want to know is, "Why the F*ck did it take me so long to see them!".  


I was all of 9 years old.  My cousins Michael and Victoria were living at our house at the time.  Michael and I are 1 1/2 years apart in age, Michael being the older.  Michael and I were inseparable as kids.  If there was trouble, we found it.  When apart from each other we did way better.  


It was a great day, near the end of summer.  One of those hot days with the cool breeze.  Our family was living in this tiny white house in Vernon, down by Waddy's.  If you know Vernon, you should be able to figure out exactly where the following all took place. If you were to stand in front of Waddy's facing away from the door, and look at the hills you would see this singular weeping willow.  It was so beautiful, all alone on the hills with nothing but shrubs and pine trees.  Why was it all alone?  How was it alive in that area?  They need so much water and it was all desert like in those hills.


Michael and I decided we were going to go explore this "Mountain"!  We geared up in our cammo pants, rock n roll t-shirts and set out.  We made it up there to find this crazy oasis.  There was a hidden pond surrounding the tree, it was so beautiful.  We decided to keep looking around and see if there was a way to the tree or anything else to explore.  The pond acted like the trees own moat to keep enemies out.  


We were sitting and enjoying the dirt, sun and the view when out of the tall pines dove this magnificent hawk.  He was diving at us!!!!   Holy crap!!!!  We ducked behind some rocks and watched it fly back up.  What the hell?  We were just sitting there, then as we were discussing this you could hear hawks start screaming.  We look at each other and started to run.  Faster, less control, down the hill....


Birds were diving at us while we ran, loosing our footing and sliding on our asses.  Catching just enough of an edge to kind of stand and run for a second more before sliding in this loose gravel.  Finally the hawks gave up and let us be.  We were almost at the bottom of the hill by this time.  We looked at each other and laughed uncontrollably.  Partially off of adrenaline and the other at how we looked.  We were covered in dirt and dust from head to toe.  A few scrapes here and there but we were alive!


When we reached the bottom, we were in some parking lot for apartments.  We dusted ourselves off and laughed some more.  As we were doing this, these two girls walked up and asked what we were laughing at.  So Michael started explaining how him and his cousin(me) were up the hill and how we got to the bottom.  Ooooo the girls were impressed and worried.  Asking if we were okay and what we saw and......


I guess Michael noticed the interest from the girls, he was flirting.  They asked our names and Michael said his and pointed at me and called me a dudes name.  I guess I should have flinched but I didn't.  Wow, they think I'm a dude.  No questions, just matter of fact.  We spent the whole day hanging with these girls and flirting.  Holding hands, running around and them looking after the two great explorers.


It was so easy and I felt great!  I normally felt so awkward interacting with people that weren't already friends.  All they ever saw was this super tomboy kid that didn't fit.  Not that day!  That day I was king of the world!  


A week later Michael and I were at Woodwards with my mom getting some back to school clothes.  We were in the kids area when all of a sudden the girls came up and started talking with us.  Michael and I were dying "What if my mom hears?"  "How do we explain this?"


We ducked into one area then another trying to keep them apart.  We ended up in shit and I can't remember if it was lying to the girls or acting like asses in a store.  


One of the BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!  I remember feeling great and that I wasn't worried about being caught.  It was such a natural feeling.  After that I went back to awkward me who never fit any where, not even in my own skin.  Shocking it took so long to figure out the inner workings.  


Still smile thinking back on this, I think I always will!

Let's Play Ball

I was identifying as a man but was yet to start hormones.  So looks wise, really butch dyke, bound down chest with a dudes name and pronouns.  I had been packing with a sock for about a year, when I found a soft pack on-line.  A soft pack, I see the look of huh on your face.  It is a limp dildo that you wear in your underpants.  Ahhhh!


My soft pack arrived in the mail, I was like a kid at christmas.  I unwrapped it, poked it, squeezed it, washed it and put it to work right away.  Oooooooo Aaaaaaaa, what a beauty.  My gonch had a clear outline of a penis.  If you were to sneak a feel it would pass.  I wore it everywhere!!!  We were to never be separated, I was in love.


The next day was our first big outing together.  I wore it to work and all went well, it felt great.  I did keep waiting for someone to brush up against it or something, no such luck.  Work was over and I drove out to my ball game.  Oh did I mention, I was still playing in a queer womens league.  Now there will be other stories about this fact but not yet.  


So I get to the game and change really quickly into my uniform, with a bit of privacy because of the park layout.  My pants off and shorts on, change my shirt, put on my ball socks and cleats.... oh wait, do I leave the soft pack in?  I don't know.  Will it be offensive to the women in the league?  Oh God.  Naaaaaa it will be fine.  I bet no one even notices, well it does cause a bigger package then my sock did. I'm doing it, I'm leaving it in.  DONE!


We warm up, stretching, jog around the field, throw some balls and then I start to warm up my arm for pitching.  Through all this I'm not really noticing my soft pack.  Which to me is great news.  Also no one has noticed or they aren't saying anything.  I am at one with my dick again.  


Game starts, we take the field and I head to the pitcher mound.  We deal with that inning with great ease.  I am batting third, I have had a great batting season.  I'm warming up, I watch the first batter get a single, second batter doubles moving the first runner to third base.  I toss the extra bat towards the dug out, I make my way towards the plate. I'm looking back getting signals from my coach.  She is standing by third base.  she wants me to fake the bunt on the first pitch.  Then her next signal is to smack the crap out of it on the second pitch.  I hit that ball so damn hard, it's gone!  


I'm off and running hard, I want third or home.  I see the runner on third make it home, the runner on second is rounding third and heading home.  All of a sudden I can feel the soft pack starting to move, not back and forth but down!  I grab it through my shorts trying to stop it from falling out as I'm coming around second.  My team could deal but other teams in the league are having a hard time with the trans thing.  In a split second I'm imagining my dick in the sand rolling around the feet of the other teams players.  My coach sees me grab my groin area and gives me the hold up sign, for third.  I look to see where the ball is, I have lots of time.  She thinks I've hurt my groin, I can see the concern on her face.  I reach up my shorts as I hit third, get a hold of my dick, toss it at my coach.  She catches it and jumps back, yells "Go", drops my dick and now can't stop laughing.  I tag up and she yells at me to come get my dick.  My bench is dying in laughter.  I have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard.  I can still see the face she made.  


Needless to say, I never wore my soft pack while playing ball again.

Ahhhhhh Family!

So for those of you that know my mother, this won't be quite as shocking.  For those of you who don't know my mom, I apologize for what you are about to read. LOL!

So I had just caught Shelly(ex from way long ago) having an affair with some chick in our house.  I left her with the house because she was keeping the animals.  I wrote her a cheque for her up coming foot surgery, packed my car and left.  Being that I just made sure rent was paid and her foot surgery was paid, I was busted.

The phone is ringing. " Mom, I need to come home for a bit".  Mom was fine with it, especially because it meant Shelly and I were over.  Mom wasn't much of a fan after year one.  You also need to know that a family friend, Dyllon was staying at the house.  Take the gayest person you know and double it, that was Dyllon.

It took me about a week to settle in and find my own space in moms place.  I started figuring out what I needed to get back on my feet, mentally and financially.  One of the first things I wanted to do was to go get a new dick.  In no way did I want to put the old one in any one else, you couldn't boil it long enough.  Sorry to all you bio guys that are stuck with dirty ex yuck on your dick, lol.  So I went downtown and did some shopping.  I purchased a whole new get up, harness and dildo.  It was also the first time I went and bought one all by myself, lovers had always had input.

I got home and took my little black bag upstairs to my room and tucked it away.  I came back downstairs walked past my mom, who was in the livingroom on the computer.

Mom: Where were you?
Tye:  Shopping downtown
M:  what did get?
T: Just some personal things
M:  I want to see
T:  Mom, I went to the sex store!  Leave it alone.
M:  What did you get?
T:  Mom, come on, never mind
M:  Go get it, I want to see!
T:  You have to be shitting me, I am not showing you.  I went and got a cock!  I AM NOT SHOWING YOU!
M:  Go get it or I will go up there and get it myself.
T:  You won't!?!?!
M: I will go up there and get it AND find whatever else you have at the same time.

So as you can imagine, I could die!  If you know my mom you know this is true, she will do it.  There are no idle threats from her.  So I went upstairs and got my black bag, brought it downstairs and dropped it in her lap.  Now during all this, Dyllon was in the KItchen and yelling for my mom to just leave it alone.

After i dropped it in her lap I sat there on the couch and waited for the hell that was my life to unfold in front of me.  Mom opened the bag and pulled out my new cock!  She inspected it, waved it and approved it.  Then.......

She put it head first down her pants and out the zipper.  Leaving the base in her pants, essentially using her jeans as a harness.  There was my new dick being worn by my mother.  I'm going to die.

Dyllon at this time is head first in the fridge getting stuff out for lunch.  Mom gets up and walks up to the fridge door, which is open and between Dyllon and her.  He has no idea that she is wearing my dick.  As he shuts the fridge door my mother lunges at him.  He screams like a child, shrill and loud.  Then the chase takes place.  He is running through the house screaming with her running right behind laughing.  I am standing back in awe.  He makes a turn and heads for the door, outside and down the drive way he goes.  You can see the sense of relief on his face as he slows down and is laughing.  He is outside and safe, surrounded by neighbours that could be outside or outside at any second.  Then the terror on his face as mom runs outside and grabs him and gave him a couple quick pokes.  They both broke out into laughter as the situation ended.  Thankfully there was no one outside at that time.

That dildo sat in a drawer for a very long time.  I couldn't imagine using it and not thinking of this situation, I went a bought a new one instead.

Looking back, this has to be one of the funniest movies that plays in my head.  My relationship with my mom opened up so much after that.  I mean really, more of a friend thing then a mom/child thing.

I love you mom and I love that we are the friends that we are.  So many great times to come :)

Assumptions

I named my Blog "Life with a Silicone Dick" because of some of the amazing situations that come out of having one.  

This is going back a few years ago.  

I was out having drinks with my buddy Bryan at a mens Bear/Leather Pub.  So as you can imagine the majority of the cliental are men.  There are always a few women in the pub, regulars that blend in with the rest of the guys.  Anyways, so we are having a few beers and at the time I was still smoking.  So we finished the beer we were on and went for another smoke.  We were standing outside discussing who's inside and any prospects.  This women comes out of the pub, definitely drunk but not messy.  She looks at the two of us and comes right up to us.  I'm thinking she's going to ask for a smoke when all of a sudden she leans towards us.  She had one hand on her hip and her other one was pointing at us with her palm up.  Now please pay attention to the palm up pointing, who does that anyways. 

So Bryan and I are standing looking at each other and the back at her like WTF.  She breaks out into this IN YOUR FACE speech.  As she continuously points at us(palm up) she starts telling us how we don't understand what it's like to be a woman.  We don't know what she goes through in life.  During this Bryan is continually looking at me.  She keeps pointing and giving us shit.  All of a sudden she looks at her hand and she sees a dick, ok my soft pack.  While she was ranting and not letting us get a word in edge wise, I reached down my pants and plopped my soft pack in her hand.  As I saw the shock in her eyes I reached up and grabbed my dick out of her hand, gently putting it back in my pants.  Since it seemed to stun her I was able to say " I think I understand".  I looked over at Bryan and I thought he was going to wet his pants from laughing so hard.  We went back into the pub and drank more beer.

Still when we are out, Bryan will tell this story if the opportunity arises.

Popping my Cherry!

So today is the first day of my Blogger life.  


I just did a talk up at SFU and then attended 3 tutorials.  One of the students asked "Do you have a Blog?".  I answered with the, I have nothing interesting to say and I'm not smart enough crap.  Then I thought about it on the way home and decided to get over myself. 


I'm not sure where this will lead or what direction I want it to go yet.  I have a lot of stories to share and I believe a wealth of knowledge.  Not book smart knowledge but life as we live it knowledge.  


So don't mind my grammar mistakes, the way I prattle on and get lost in a secondary story and I'll do my best to be as PC as possible.  


A bit about me.  I am a 38 year old Female to Male Transsexual(FTM), I started this process in my mid 20's.  I am in an unbelievably great relationship, we have nothing in common yet everything in common.  I am semi-retired and hope to stay that way, a stay at home Husbear!  We have 2 dogs, 2 cats and 1 featherless Parrot(due to stress).  We live in a great house that we rent, big enough for both of our crazy lives.  The dyke inside of me loves to build things and my Harley.  The fag inside me loves to decorate and rearrange my house. I identify as Queer, it suits me the best for how I feel.  I love men, I love women, I typically hang out in the gay mens world.  Okay, so enough about me.  You'll find out more, the more I write.


I'm hoping to tell you about current daily issues, facts and/or humorous situations.  You'll find a lot of me going back and telling you stories of past situations.  You will get the good, bad and ugly.  I'm hoping to find the lighter sided of even the heaviest situations.  Tell you some of the most awkward and hilarious things that have happened because of being trans.